Take The Next Step In Communication
Make a list of any concerns you have for your parent or family member. For instance, you may be concerned about how they manage their medications or handle household chores. Make a list of everything that concerns you, but wait on creating a plan on your own. Be prepared to guide the conversation with questions that allow them to express their thoughts, concerns and plans.
Schedule a time to talk and let them know your concerns ahead of time so they can start to think about their vision for the future. If they feel blindsided by the conversation, they could become overly defensive. Let siblings and family members know about your planned discussion so they are aware even if they can’t be present.
Research various senior living options. As you educate yourself, you’ll find a range of options including everything from independent living and in-home care to assisted living and continuing care. If you’re realistic about the amount of help your loved one truly needs, you’ll ensure they receive the proper level of care.
Talk in person, rather than by telephone, and at a time when you are both well-rested and can talk uninterrupted. It may be helpful to visit a neutral site outside the home or involve an outside person close to the family, such as an attorney, physician, minister or friend.
Ask questions and try to use language that is clear, supportive, non-confrontational and in line with your concerns for your parent. Maintain a respectful and empathetic demeanor, using open body language – avoid crossing your arms or hunching your shoulders. Emphasize how much you care about their feelings regarding their next chapter.
Sample questions:
- “Where would you want to live if you ever decided you would rather not live alone anymore?”
- “How can we protect you from taking a bad fall?”
- “How has it been for you living at home by yourself?”
- “Have you considered whether you’d like to be around other people your age in a retirement community?”
Listen closely to their responses. Reassure them that you are their partner in addressing certain needs or issues in their life. Make sure you take in their complete answer before offering your opinion or advice. If the conversation becomes heated or overly emotional, stop and resume it later.
Keep talking. While it would be ideal to finalize a plan in a single conversation, this process typically involves multiple discussions. As long as you don’t have an emergent health issue or safety risk to deal with, it makes sense to take the time needed to develop a mutually agreeable plan.
By having these conversations before any serious incidents occur, you can be sure you clearly understand your parent or loved one’s hopes and desires for aging. Contact us if you have additional questions, would like more information about Longleaf Liberty Park or if we can help be a further resource in the process.
